Good bye, Gina

Continuing a season of loss, my friend Gina Popp died January 14th, after living 14 years with a terminal illness. I have been living the 'Just The Basics' life since then. Now, after a very memorable memorial service, it's time to get back to some semblance of regular life.

Fitness Goals and Strategies 2011--and Wrapping up 2010

Things did not go as planned in November and December of 2010, to say the least. I managed to attend 13 Jazzercise classes in November, but when December arrived, chaos arrived with it, and I managed to attend only 3 classes in the first 17 days of the month before giving up entirely. (To give you an idea: One day my sister came to watch the kids so that I could work out, and I fell asleep sitting up on a chair rather than going to class!)

Total Classes Attended in 2010: 136

My total was 14 short of my goal--so close, yet so far away! If I hadn't given up, and I had gone twice a day in the last week of the month, etc., I would have made it... I probably would have collapsed as well.

It was hard to let go of my goal, but I think I made the right decision to prioritize some other things (including rest!) 2011 is a new year with plenty of time and opportunity to strive for new goals.

I am going to aim (yet again) for 150 classes. Seeing as November and December are such crazy months, I am going to aim to finish 140 of the 150 classes by the end of October. This works out to 14 classes per month for 10 months, or 3.5 classes per week. It's doable so long as I never get sick/injured, leave town, or lack childcare (aka Spouse late getting home from work...)

I've come up with new strategies to help me get to class more consistently:

• Write it on the calendar. Each week I will write down on the calendar when I plan to go to class, as well as other types of workouts (DVD, walking, bike riding. etc.).
• Go in the morning. I am not a morning person, but it has come to my attention that when I drag myself out of bed in the pitch darkness to get to a 7 AM class, it sets my day off to a great start. Sad but true! I want to do this at least once a week, ideally on Wednesdays. The Reward: I get to drink coffee on these days.
• Go on the weekend and on holidays whenever possible. Holidays and husband's days off are great times to fit in an extra workout.
• Do a double class once a month. I want to try to attend 2 classes back-to-back at least once a month. This will be challenging to schedule, but I think it will be worth it. I am very curious to see how many calories I can burn at a double class!
• Count calories. I plan to use my heart monitor watch to count how many calories I burn at each workout and add up the total calories burned each month. (Way more fun and much less time consuming than counting food calories, which I did only for a few months last year before burning out.)

I'm not including weight loss in my goals, but that doesn't mean that I couldn't stand to lose some weight. I learned over Christmas that 2 weeks of no workouts + copious amounts of Christmas Cookies, Chocolate, Standing Rib Roast, Yorkshire Pudding, Ham, snacks, pizza, potato chips, and more than a couple glasses of wine = About 4 Pounds.

I don't do well with dieting or weigh-ins, or other such strategies. I either overdo it and don't eat enough, or get frustrated when attempting to track changes. My strategy is to boost my mood and energy with consistent exercise and eat what I like, moderately, while not paying too much attention to a scale.

I'm hopeful that this plan will hold together for 2011! I'll post montly updates.

Happy New Year

I haven't blogged for six weeks, and I've missed it so much! Unfortunately, any and all extraneous activities fell by the wayside as we coped with the diagnosis and subsequent death of my sister-in-law, may she rest in peace.

It has been a chaotic holiday season, one that I have not had much time to pause and enjoy. I did my best to prioritize and focus on only what was necessary, but I have this problem in that things that I like to do are usually complex and unnecessary. Translation: I didn't do a number of things that I enjoy doing at the holidays, due to time constraints. Other things that I did manage to get to were difficult to enjoy amongst the grief and exhaustion we were feeling. Fortunately, we spent a lot of quality time with family and I was reminded that all that unnecessary stuff I like to do is really that: unnecessary.

For the past week I've been looking forward to January, just to return to the mundane everyday existence that strangely brings me much joy and peace. I am looking forward to writing posts about inane household activities, planning simple things to do with my husband and kids, and fitting again into a pleasant rhythm of days that will hopefully inspire my energy for new projects and aspirations.

I will also look back on the past year and review the challenges that I set to myself in 2010. To be honest, I haven't decided what challenges I will take on for 2011. Right now I am just taking things one day at a time.

Purse Funeral

It kills me to have to write this, but it is time for a purse funeral.

I love my beautiful red purse. It is especially special because my husband bought it for me a few years back when we were on a date. (If you know my husband, you know that this is atypical to say the least.) I like to carry it in the fall/winter, as it goes well with both my gray and brown coats. It's nothing special, just a vinyl handbag that happens to be a very pretty shade of red, with teal lining, and is just the size that I like to carry--big enough to serve a few diaper bag functions (water bottles, snacks, extra clothes) without being Huge.

So why the funeral?

This purse has a metal frame opening, and it keeps falling apart. I searched for someone who could repair it the first time it happened, but no one really 'repairs' things anymore. I finally found a clock repairman who was willing to give it a try, despite the challenge of cheap manufacturing. He did his best, and it lasted a bit longer, but now it is falling apart again. When the frame IS holding together, the clasp doesn't hold the purse closed properly. Clearly the lesson here is: Do not purchase a handbag that has a metal frame/clasp opening, no matter how pretty the bag is!

I am so disappointed because I am the type of person who likes to use a handbag (or ANY item) over and over again. I keep finding that my expectations are too high for how long an item should last, whether it be a home appliance, or a purse made of vinyl. I know that the companies that manufacture these items want me to go back to the store any buy a replacement item as soon as possible. I get tired of this process.

I've tried different strategies to get around the built in 'wear-out' timer on my stuff. Once a while back, I bought a handbag and I liked it so much that I bought a second one exactly like it (on deep discount) so that I would have a new handbag all ready to go when the first one died (my plan worked!) I have also bought multiples of shoes that worked well for me to avoid having to search all over again for something that fits.

My summer handbag is canvas with a few pieces of leather, and it has tolerated being washed in the washing machine twice now. Next spring/summer will be Season 3 for that bag.

In the mean time, I need to somehow let go of my beautiful red bag, and find a replacement. It's in perfect condition other than the metal frame. Goodwill? The trash??? Maybe I will just put it on the shelf in my closet, to look at once in a while.

Navigating a Sick Day

Imagine some lovely picture here, which I would post if my daughter hadn't broken the camera lens. :)

Just when I thought I was getting back into a routine, the germs have invaded. My son (age 6) is home from school for a few days while fighting a low grade fever. I'm trying to keep my daughter (age 4) on her regular schedule. She might have been sick last week, possibly, it's hard to tell with her. She's the one who brings the germs home and spreads them around the family yet doesn't get sick herself. Her medical history is the most boring form to fill out, but it's fast--there's never anything to report!

While I am writing this, my kids are running around throwing a large plastic shark at one another. Clearly, my son isn't sick enough to be tucked into bed, so I've been trying to figure out what is going to keep us occupied until he is fever-free and well enough to return to school, other than movies and computer time.

• Playing Cards- My son would play cards with me all day if I would let him. His current favorite is Rummy 500, although he also likes Uno and a game that we call 'Slap and Tickle'. I'm going to teach him to play Gin Rummy tomorrow.
• Thank-you notes- We have a few notes to finish up sending to friends and relatives after the kids' recent birthdays. (Will the germs transfer on the notes? Hmmm.... Maybe I should do the envelope sealing...)
• Lego Sort- My son and I spent an entire sick day last year sorting his Legos by color, and then building one of his sets. He was in heaven.
• Call Grandma- It's a great time to make some surprise midday calls to relatives to catch up--if they are retired, etc. Although if I get desperate, we may bother Daddy at work.
• Puppy Show- My daughter and I may hold a Puppy Show (instead of puppets) to entertain my son if everyone gets particularly whiny and crabby.

After his fever breaks and before he returns to school, I have a few other plans in mind:

• Clothes Shopping- My son is very picky when it comes to clothes. He is very sensitive to tags, collars, etc., and he is very particular about how clothes fit his body. I've been trying to figure out a good time to take him to the store to try things on and this may be the time!
• Lunch Out- I know that both kids will enjoy going out to lunch one day, if it works out.
• Baking- If we are making something just for our family, not to share, he can help me bake some cookies, bread, or muffins.

Again, I won't take him out and about in public until his fever breaks and he is fully on the mend. No need to spread his bug through the stores and restaurants if we can help it!

Many of these things are activities that we like to do but don't have much time for in the average week. Instead of viewing these Sick Days as a hindrance to my plans, I try to see them as an opportunity to spend some special time with my kids, providing them with interesting activities while their bodies rest and heal.

At the Beach

(Photo by my BIL)

I'll be back next week. :)

Derailment

Over the past two weeks, my life got completely derailed. I thought I could hold it all together despite going out of town two weekends in a row, then teaching a 16-hour training class on the following weekend. During this time I slipped up in my fitness routine, too (a combination of traveling and losing both teen sitters I was using weekly to fit in more workouts).

I'm pretty good at staying on top of things even during hectic times, and I almost made it through.

Then I learned that one of my ex-boyfriends died by suicide almost 2 weeks ago. I hadn't seen or heard from him in over eight years, but the situation was a very sad and tragic one, and he left his wife and two very young children behind.

Despite the fact that I hadn't been in touch with my ex, I still found that I needed time to process and to grieve for his passing. I didn't realize this right away, rather the need to think about and talk about his loss grew in the back of my mind while I continued to hold everything together and navigate through my weekend training class.

The irony is that the class I taught is called ASIST: Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training, otherwise known as training in suicide first aid. As I learned more about what had happened to my ex-boyfriend and how long he had been in crisis, it was painful to think that maybe I could have done something to help him had I known he needed help.

It takes time to process all of these thoughts. A lot of time mulling over the past, present, and what the future holds for my ex's family and friends. I felt the need to pay my respects at his memorial service and to help connect his family with the postvention services offered by my organization. I was even moved to reconnect with some other past friends by activating my account on a social networking site. (I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm happy to report that I've connected with some friends and exes from the past and everyone seems to be doing well.)

It got to the point that I was having trouble physically keeping up with everything that was happening. I was moving in slow motion, my energy level like a slug's. Our household came skidding to a halt as all of my energy was burned up to bits.

I did make it to a doctor appointment and learned that I am in good health and have a nice slow heart rate, which probably contributes to my lack of energy sometimes. I am also in the middle of reading a book called The Mood Cure by Julia Ross. I've learned that my great idea to eat salad every day is partially to blame for my energy crash, in addition to breaking my mild caffeine habit cold-turkey. Oops.

I've been taking things one day at a time, focusing on thinking, talking, resting, and protein, protein, protein. I think I'm ready to hit the ground running again, and to take up all the projects and tasks I've neglected over the past month. (Ask me how much decluttering I've done this month, for example!)

I'll be honest: part of me is not thrilled to have lost so much productive time over the past few weeks. It was tempting to just push my thoughts and feelings aside and distract myself by keeping busy. I think that most people find that this coping method only works temporarily. I owed it to the memory of my ex-boyfriend to take a time-out on my own life to grieve for the loss of his. To carry on as usual would be to devalue the meaning of his life and death. I only wish that I could have done something to help before it was too late.

Help is out there! Our hotline answers the National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK. Please consider calling if you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis or thinking about suicide. Break the silence.

-Michelle